New from Thought Brochure — Jay Leno’s internal monologue while hooking up:

Oh boy. Here we go again. I’m about to clarify the definition of ‘is’. I’m about to have sexual relations with a hipster. Have you heard about these people? They’re like the cast of Revenge of The Nerds on the set of Friends. This girl looks like someone beat up Urkle in a janitors closet and stole his clothes to sneak into a rock and roll music concert. Alright Jay, don’t blow this. This isn’t one of your cars. This is a real girl with feelings and a body and not just something to bang and leave in the garage. But she’s all revved up, maybe I should leave her in the garage! Hah, come on folks! We’re having fun here.