Oh John Carroll

Category: unemployed

Unemployment Activity #6

Rent a Redbox movie, but don’t return it to its point of origin.  Reassure yourself of your ability to make an impact on the world.

Unemployment Activity #5

Back-up all of your physical media.  Immediately begin fretting about having back-ups to the back-ups.  Consider buying additional back-ups.  Begin fretting about cost.  Then allot time for fretting about all of the lost time of backing up physical media, only to lose it because you didn’t back-up your back-ups.

Then pity yourself and wonder how much your time is worth if you’re not being paid for it.

Oh, and don’t forget to insert the next disc.  (Finally: repeat.)

Unemployment Activity #4

Grow a beard.  This includes not shaving, but is not limited to that.  Sit around and concentrate on your facial hair.  Will individual hairs forward.  Demand the best from your boredom beard.  When you have a half-inch of beard hair, add it to the Special Skills section of your résumé.  

Unemployment Activity #3

Submit a case to Judge John Hodgman.

Unemployment Activity #2

Miss Jeopardy! contestant test.  Tell yourself it’s OK, you wouldn’t have qualified anyway.

Unemployment Activity #1

Take the Jeopardy! contestant test.

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